Nine Ways Men Can Support Women Leaders

or a woman to step up instead of you.  Do some self-examination.  Are you ready to be in the supporting #2 role?  What modifications would you need to make to live into your commitment to support a woman leader?

She tried to be generous in her assessment:  “I know that my colleague supports women in leadership.  He just doesn’t have any idea of what that principle looks like in practice.”  I listened to a woman leader as she dreamed of some kind of training to help men live out their intention be supportive of women who lead.  

Women often access resources to build and enhance their leadership ability.  Yet wise and powerful women alone cannot change the well -established historic ranking system that places men at the leadership pinnacle. Men also need to be involved in a change towards justice. 

Mere knowledge is not enough to change the deeply engrained cultures that stratify women (and other intersecting identities) below men.  Men’s experience of privilege in the workplace is so familiar that it may not even be recognized as privilege.  Take something as simple as asking questions.  When a man leader asks a question, it can be seen as a helpful coaching tool, or a way to get people to explore a new idea.  When a woman leader uses a question to engage thinking, men often assume that she is asking because she doesn’t know the answer.  Her teaching device is assumed to be an invitation to launch into a lengthy explanation.  

There are men who sincerely want to change and to see beyond their blind spots. My husband is one of them.  We job shared as equal co-leaders for 28 years in cultures that traditionally assumed that the man is the leader.  During those years, we continuously discussed our gender roles, giving and receiving feedback to each other and striving to learn and grow.  

 Here is my starter list with nine suggestions for men-who-want-to-do-better.

1.  Sit down Consider whether this is the time to make space for a woman to step up instead of you.  Do some self-examination.  Are you ready to be in the supporting #2 role?  What modifications would you need to make to live into your commitment to support a woman leader?.  Consider whether this is the time to sit down and make space for a woman to step up to the role instead of you. Do some self-examination. Are you ready to be in the supporting #2 role? What modifications would you need to make to live into your commitment to support a woman leader?

2. Notice who is taking up the talking time in a meeting. Be intentional to create space for a woman leader by turning to her and asking, “What do you think?”

3.  Stop interrupting. You might not even notice when you do it. Be aware. Ask for feedback. Apologize. If a man and a woman speak up in a meeting at the same time, encourage the woman to continue with her comment first.

4.  Refer to and defer to a woman leader. Outsiders may automatically assume that the man in the room is the person in charge. Correct their mistake immediately. Introduce your leader as your leader. Use titles in the same way it’s done for men in your context.

5.  Pay attention to the optics. In public, note whose name is listed first. It matters who comes to the podium and who communicates publicly. Notice who sits in what chair. Intentionally step back even if moving forward comes naturally to you.

6.  Unlearn your tendency to automatically take charge. Recognize that you’ve been shaped by a patriarchal system and that it’s possible to disrupt that system.

7.  Challenge women on their disempowering behaviors. Privately let them know if you notice them apologizing for their input or being tentative when they clearly know what they’re talking about. Encourage confidence and affirm their leadership.

8.  Learn history. Pay attention. Recognize how men have intentionally shaped culture in ways that benefit men by disempowering women. Honor the ways women are rejecting this historic injustice.

9.  Believe women when they tell you about their experiences of sexism. When they point out a disempowering behavior or patriarchal assumptions by you or by others, turn to curiosity instead of defensiveness. Find out how it could be done better. Join in women’s justified anger when their leadership is not respected. Let a woman see your anger at injustice. Use that moment to learn and carry that learning forward to help other men learn.

Right intentions aren’t enough. The good news is that men-who-want-to-do-better can learn to do better. That’s the workload you carry. Women have their own work to do to thrive as leaders.

Women, what other suggestions would you add to this list?