Despite our illusions, we don’t control much. It’s with great effort that I try to “control” my weight or even my emotions. Why would I think I could control other people—whether my direct reports or my children or my daily calendar. At the end of the day, we really don’t control much of anything. Influence, however, that we can do.
We live in a world filled with both amazing and challenging things. For many of us, our lives our complex, filled with obligations and opportunities alike. Instead of worrying about controlling things in your life, why not aim for influence?
More than 25 years ago author Stephen Covey popularized the notion of choosing influence as a focus of one’s activity. As Covey noted then, and as Todd Henry encouraged more recently in his book Die Empty: Unleash Your Best Work Every Day, trying to control things beyond your reach is a waste of time, energy and money. Rather, consider and act on what you can influence.
As Henry sees it, there are many “stories of managers grasping tightly to the reins of their team, and closely controlling every aspect of its behavior. They have to approve every decision, manage every client interaction, and oversee every meeting. In the end, these control-freak managers are actually doing much more harm to the team than good.”
Blogger James Clear writes about behavioral psychology, habit formation, and performance improvement. He shares a related point noting that leaders—or anyone—should worry less about reaching goals and instead focus on systems.
Clear says: “If you’re a writer, your goal is to write a book. Your system is the writing schedule that you follow each week.” Without the discipline of a system, the goal is a long shot at best.
“Goals can provide direction and even push you forward in the short-term,” continues Clear, “but eventually a well-designed system will always win. Having a system is what matters. Committing to the process is what makes the difference.”
It’s easy to think about college basketball or football programs that consistently contend year over year, sometimes even decade over decade. No matter what players are there that season, the system cultivated for success keeps those teams in the hunt year in and year out.
The same could be said of successful restaurants or great chefs. The ability to consistently create wonderful meals no matter when you visit is the result of commitments and values put into a system in which practice makes perfect.
Many things that are “once and done” don’t serve us well. Life is comprised of living our principles for the long haul. Consistent influence wins out over grasping for control. Developing systems that operate day in and day out beat the flash in the pan.
This article was originally featured in Fine Living Lancaster Magazine Issue #42.