Connected

"In unity, there is strength; when communities come together during a crisis they can accomplish the impossible."         --Amanda Ripley 

In May, I wrote about loneliness. I should not have been surprised that this topic resonated with many of you. But, how do you know when you have strong social connections--the opposite of lonely?

According to positive psychology, social connection contributes to flourishing, both in terms of having positive relationships and having meaning or making a contribution.

Beyond flourishing, social connections may save our lives in a crisis. In her updated book The Unthinkable: Who Survives in a Disaster and Why, Amanda Ripley tells us that social connections may be more important for survival than having a first aid kit or a go bag. In fact, in communities with high levels of trust and connectedness, fewer people died of COVID-19 in the early days of the pandemic than in other communities.

In their book, The Power of Us, Jay J. Van Bavel, and Dominic L. Packer describe how our sense of identity within social groups can improve our performance. When leaders embody their shared values (demonstrating that they are one of us), they create a sense of shared purpose for groups of people. Influential leaders engage in both individual (single connection) and collective (group or team) transformational leadership.

Social identity, connection, and trust shape our effectiveness as leaders and influence how long and how well we live. But how do we know that we have created meaningful connections?

There are very scientific, validated, and reliable ways to measure the strength of our social connections. This is different from one of them. I suggest you ask yourself and do a quick self-assessment of social relationships in your life.

In their book Humble Leadership, Edgar and Peter Schein discuss different levels of relationship: -1 (negative), 1 (transactional), 2 (whole person), 2.5 (professionally appropriate intimate relationships), and 3 (intimate relationships).

A quick and easy way to think about our social relationships is to map them out hand-drawn. Are there currently level 1 relationships you’d like to make level 2? Or level 2 that you’d like to make level 2.5? Or a level 2 that should be a 3?

If so, Great! Think about how you might build that relationship by being more vulnerable and curious about that other person in a supportive and uplifting way (no nosy busybodies!). Once you have some thoughts in place, go do them—sincere attempts to get to know someone better are how to develop stronger connections.

For me, I am working on being more vulnerable and reaching out to others in the sincere desire to know them. I hope you'll join me.