Leading with Love: Lessons from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Shaquille O'Neal

In a world where leadership is often associated with power, control, and an overbearing ego, it is refreshing to see examples of leaders who lead with humility and love and are not afraid to admit their mistakes. 

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Shaquille O'Neal have been teammates and rivals but never friends on and off the court. Abdul-Jabbar and O'Neal had a longstanding and well-documented feud that lasted for decades.

Then last night happened. Live on TNT.

After the game while being interviewed, Abdul-Jabbar took the first step to reconciling their relationship, admitting that he had made mistakes and apologizing for his behavior. This humble act of leadership showed the world that even the most successful people could put aside their egos and work together.

Though there is a much more complicated story of greatness, trauma, family, record-setting, mistakes, faith, growth, and being in the public eye (in the experience of both of these men), I do want to focus on a brief (30 seconds!) of history that happened after the game: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Shaquille O'Neal have shown the world what it means to take one step toward leading with grace and humility. In this blog post, we'll explore last night's interaction and reflect on the valuable lessons they can teach us about leadership. 

So, How can we learn from a conversation that unfolded last night between two of the greatest NBA players of all time? Who says rivalries can't turn toward love and humility? 

In a jaw-dropping moment on live TV last night, two of the greatest basketball players of all time, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Shaquille O'Neal, showed the world that it's never too late to apologize, accept forgiveness, and use newly acquired skills to squash a longstanding and very public feud. These two Hall of Fame basketball players have taught us how NOW is a great time to Lead with Love. 

(The interaction between these two men left such an indelible mark on me that I showed it to the kids BEFORE SCHOOL TODAY! TV before school is a no-no in our house!)

Treating someone poorly or ignoring them under the guise of that person's potential growth (a summary of Abdul-Jabbar's treatment of O'Neil over the years as documented in many places) is absurd at best and abuse at worse. At the same time, I am amazed at how men with gray in their beards are learning to tell each other that they love each other - even on TNT.

Saying "I Love you"

I've been experimenting over the years - telling my friends I love them. White dudes in their 40s don't do this with regularity.

(Unlike the "frat-boy-kinda-fist-bump-kinda way my 11 year likes to greet me). 

But in a warm, look-you-in-the-eye "I love you."

And I don't even say the word "Bro!" At the end 😂 

It's been hilarious. The awkwardness at first was palatable, but my friends are starting to get used to it! Some of them have even muttered it back and given me a high five.

Why is it so weird to say those words with deep meaning, between two men who have been on the cover of magazines together?

What can we learn from these high-profile leaders as they learn to lead with love?

Leading with Humility: Strategies for Navigating Challenging Situations with Love

How can leaders navigate tricky situations with a listening ear and humility? When leaders ask this powerful question, they indicate that they are the type of leader who wants to implement strategies for navigating challenging situations with empathy and modesty. Kareem is starting to exemplify the importance of humility in leadership by demonstrating the ability to set aside personal biases and strive for the greater good. His willingness to admit mistakes and prioritize relationships over ego is a valuable lesson for all leaders. Leaders can cultivate more productive and harmonious working environments by approaching challenges with a listening ear and a humble attitude. What a formational gesture of love that must have been for him: It seems that Kareem might finally value a future relationship with Shaq - even more than he values his ego.

Leading with Love: Embracing Empathy and Compassion in Leadership. 

I've noticed an uptick in people verbalizing genuine love to people in public. And it feels super authentic. Abdul-Jabbar and O'Neal may be getting to a place where they care about each other, despite their differences, and they are willing to put aside their ego and have a relationship. Abdul-Jabbar and O'Neal gave a great example of leaders overcoming differences to lead with love. What a courageous demonstration of how leaders can lead with love and put their relationships first, prioritizing the well-being of others over their self-preservation or personal gain. This type of care is a rare sight around many leadership tables worldwide.

Owning Mistakes: The Vital Practice of Acknowledging Errors in Leadership.

Admitting to mistakes is a complex but crucial aspect of leadership. Abdul-Jabbar and O'Neal have shown that it is challenging for people with massive success to own their mistakes. Everyone around them has told them exactly what they have wanted to hear for decades. 

Ok - But How?

With some time, hopefully not three decades, even the most successful leaders can admit when they are wrong and take steps to make things right by saying one simple word: Sorry.

To effectively practice leading with humility, love, acknowledging mistakes, and apologizing, leaders can implement the following action items:

1. Create a safe space for feedback: Encourage open and honest communication with employees, peers, and stakeholders to foster an environment where someone can make mistakes and freely give and receive grace.

2. Acknowledge and apologize: When a mistake takes place, take responsibility, apologize, and work to rectify the situation.

3. Reflect and learn: Analyze the situation, understand what went wrong, and determine how to prevent similar mistakes in the future.

4. Lead by example: Set the tone for a culture of accountability and growth by being open and transparent about your mistakes.

5. By embracing the practice of owning mistakes, leaders can demonstrate their humility, love and commitment to personal growth and create a more productive and positive work environment.

Let's Get Practical

These lessons can be applied to all aspects of life and help us become better leaders in our own right. Whether you are a CEO, a manager, or a volunteer in your community who wants to make a positive impact, these lessons are worth remembering and applying in your own life. 

So, how do we strive to lead with humility and love, and by owning our mistakes, just like Abdul-Jabbar and O'Neal have shown us?

Getting Curious as a Leader: How do we get curious about our blind spots or the places we are stuck? Why is it essential to be open to learning and self-reflection as a leader? Ask yourself questions like, "What do I struggle with in my leadership role?" or "What areas of my leadership could use improvement?" Additionally, regularly examine your actions and decisions, and ask yourself how you can do better. Seek feedback from trusted colleagues and mentors, and listen with an open mind.

Finding Clarity as a Leader: To gain clarity about what our workplace relationship gauges are saying about how well we love as we lead, it's essential to check in with those we work with and lead regularly. Ask for feedback and be open to constructive criticism. It's also vital to periodically assess our actions and decisions and consider how they impact those we lead. By continuing down the path of being self-aware and proactive, we can gain a better understanding of the dynamics at play in our workplace relationships. And the possibility of practicing this type of love in your leadership is genuine for you and your team.

Building Capacity as a Leader: Being a loving leader can be a capacity-building experience for a CEO in many ways. By prioritizing relationships and putting the well-being of others before our own personal or corporate gain, we build trust and foster a loving work environment. Increased capacity can lead to increased motivation and productivity and a more collaborative and supportive workplace. By leading with love and empathy, we can build solid and meaningful relationships with those we lead, which can have a lasting impact on our professional and personal lives. For a long time. What a hoot!

Surprised by Love - Learning That Sticks with Our Collective Leadership:

Shaq showed us what happens when we are surprised by love. We stop talking about sports and go straight for the thing that has held us back for so long. By seeing these two iconic basketball players put aside their differences, we can learn the power of forgiveness and the value of meaningful relationships. Additionally, by noticing how Kareem and Shaq could admit their mistakes and work to make things right, we can learn the importance of taking responsibility for our actions and continuously striving to improve as leaders.

I hope the conversation continues between Shaq and Kareem.

And that we, by striving to lead with humility and love and by owning our mistakes, can become better leaders and positively impact those we have the privilege to lead.

By getting curious about our blind spots, finding clarity in our workplace relationships, and building our capacity as loving leaders, we can take inspiration from the examples set by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Shaquille O'Neal and make these moves in our own lives, as we learn to lead with love. 

You know what? Something is striking me as I type: I bet Kareem wishes that he hadn't waited until he was older to have this interaction with Shaq. I keep thinking - "What if these guys could have had this conversation 20 years ago? How might their lives have been more relationally rich and transformed as a result?"

Oh, by the way - This was the game in which Lebron James passed Kareem for the All-Time NBA Scoring Record! On social media today, it sure sounds like Kareem should reach out to Lebron and Lead with Love too.

Let's all commit to being leaders who continuously build on our growing sets of skills and lead with love. NOW. The next three decades of relationships around us will thank us!

May we all learn to lead with love, 

Kevin Eastway

PS - Way to go, Shaq and Kareem! We know you are great leaders who are learning like the rest of us alongside you! Keep on caring! Proud of you both.

If you are interested in watching a recording of this unfold in realtime, check out the Clip on The NBA's Twitter Feed.