Anticipation - it's making me wait

Anticipation

Photo: Chelsey leaving for the hospital to deliver a baby sister to Myla and Kiké- blurry or not- the real deal at 5:38 am this morning. 

Waiting, waiting, waiting. A blessing or a curse?

There’s always something to wait for with anticipation.

Life experience can shade whether we look towards what is yet unknown with excitement, longing, and hope OR dread, fear, and angst. Common shared experiences also add to the narrative of what we expect. We know hip surgeries come with challenging rehabilitation and new promotions usually come with larger financial rewards.

How are you at waiting? Is the glass half full or half empty in your anticipation?

Today’s breakneck speed of change within our organizations involves waiting. Will our new configurations of responsibilities bring the outcomes we’re hoping they will? Will our clients return or even grow during this time of CoVid challenges? Are our markers clearly in place to move to the next level of scenario planning we’ve so painstakingly set up? Do we wait while holding concurrent sadness about some of the changes and yet also embrace the hope to see silver linings in that which is new?

Today I’m waiting for a new granddaughter to enter our world. A new life. How heady is that? A miracle of which no one can ever tire.

Carly Simon sang, “Anticipation is keeping me waiting.”

Our daughter’s previous births have gone well. We don’t have a past history to cause us to fear the outcome of this little one’s birth and yet the experience of even that which we’ve successfully navigated before is unknown when it’s another yet-to-happen event ahead. Because we care deeply, we also share the mix of anticipation- her upcoming struggle of labor and the wish for health of all make us nervous but the hope that all will be well encourages us.

We are waiting.

One of the largest realities during this time of CoVid has been that organizations have learned to re-assess roles and responsibilities and re-arrange as needed to meet the emerging needs of clients.

That has not been an easy change.

My daughter has had me at her side during each of her two previous childbirths. I loved every second and felt as if the care I could provide was pointed and responsive to her needs knowing her deeply as her mother.

Now in a time of CoVid there are safety protocols we all must obey and for now that allows just one person present in her labor and delivery suite. And I know the right answer. Her loving and supportive husband and the father of this soon to be delivered little girl earns the magic entrance ticket today. I certainly don’t begrudge him his rightful due- it’s not my job to be there now but since it used to be- it’s hard to let that go.

Not being there as I write makes me nervous. There’s no reason to be nervous. It’s a quality hospital and she’s had no problems with this pregnancy.

I realize that this role change and my resultant feelings come from my perceived lack of influence or control since I’m no longer “in the room.”

I have a naturally inflated sense of being an overseer, safety control officer, one who can prevent her from harm if I’m present. It’s been my job in her past labors as a co-support with her husband, Alan. And who am I kidding? I’m pretty sure I acted like and felt I was in charge even realizing my deference to him due to his role as spouse.

Anticipation is keeping me waiting…

Today’s marketplace is causing us to change our roles and responsibilities. It’s hard to let go past responsibilities we were good at doing. But for now, for the safety and success of the current plan we need to trust the other colleague in the room to get the job done well. Use your gifts elsewhere and take the best of what you used to do and apply it to where you’re planted today.

I’m planted with this upcoming baby girl’s siblings for a few days. I love them to death, and I can do a good job here too loving them with playmobiles and legos, swingsets, and drawing while keeping them safe. I still will miss being in the delivery room and am thankful for her constant stream of texts and now Zoom links that are keeping me updated.

Anticipation. excitement, longing and hope.

My roles and responsibilities have changed but I am still committed to the mission of supporting this daughter I love. Today I can do this through helping to meet her needs as discerned best by her where I fit best. Today it’s with the three and six-year-old playing pretend and negotiating food and nap expectations. In these changing times, let’s all commit like Carly intonated to bloom where you are planted or to “Stay right here cuz these are the good ‘ole days.”

We don’t know the future but we’re preparing for it as best as we can adaptively with changing roles and responsibilities to meet our client needs. Let’s choose to find the silver linings of all that’s unknown before us. Experience hope. Get excited.

I will be today even as I wait for news in my new role today.

Anticipation

Carly Simon

We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway
And I wonder if I'm really with you now
Or just chasin' after some finer day

Anticipation, anticipation
Is makin' me late
Is keepin' me waitin'

And I tell you how easy it feels to be with you
And how right your arms feel around me
But I, I rehearsed those words just late last night
When I was thinkin' about how right tonight might be

Anticipation, anticipation
Is makin' me late
Is keepin' me waitin'

And tomorrow we might not be together
I'm no prophet and I don't know nature's ways
So I'll try and see into your eyes right now
And stay right here 'cause these are the good old days

And stay right here 'cause these are the good old days
(These are the good old days)
(These are the good old days)
(These are the good old days)
(These are the good old days)

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Carly Simon

Anticipation lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

Carly Simon “Anticipation” YouTube performance 1971