Let's talk Languishing

As a leader, I’ve often felt like the only acceptable response to the classic, “How are you doing?” question is either “good” or, at worst, “I’m surviving.”

But it's important to recognize that surviving is a pretty normal place for leaders to be. If that's where you're at, I hope you feel supported and acknowledged.

What's tough, though, is that it’s not usually acceptable—or even normal—to admit when we’re languishing. So, what happens when we’re not really "doing okay" as leaders?

More often than not, we end up languishing alone.

What is languishing?

Languishing is that feeling when you just can’t seem to find the energy to get moving—you feel stuck, restless, or unsure of your direction. It’s that feeling like we can’t keep our heads above the water. According to Webster, it's living in a state of decreased vitality and an expression of grief.

Whether you’re languishing occasionally or it’s something you deal with regularly, it’s crucial to acknowledge it and not go through it alone.

Removing the Stigma and Shame

Let’s be honest—there are plenty of reasons why languishing feels so real and might even be a natural response to life’s challenges.


We’ve just come through a global pandemic that’s still affecting our world. Leading in today’s complex environment isn’t easy, and there’s constant pressure on leaders to “have it all together.” Add to that the tension of an election year in an increasingly polarized society, and it’s no wonder we’re feeling the strain.


Sigh.


By naming the challenges, the tough moments, and the times when we’re languishing, we can help reduce the stigma and shame that comes with not always “doing okay.”

Helpful Responses to Languishing

1. Name the Languishing. I’ve talked about a vision for flourishing that takes us from languishing to surviving to thriving. When you find yourself in that place of negative emotions, feeling disengaged, dealing with strained relationships, lacking purpose, or struggling to make progress—name it and say it out loud. By acknowledging it, you can diminish its hold and start moving in a new direction.
   
   
2. Tell Someone. Once you’ve named it, talk to a trusted person about what you are experiencing. It could be a trusted colleague at work, a family member, a friend, or a confidant. I have the joy of being that person for many as a coach and trusted partner with my clients.
   
   
3. Take One Step. Good news! You’ve already taken a step by telling someone. The next small step may be a commitment to focus on one area of flourishing, writing down your thoughts, or celebrating a survival moment!

When you, as a leader, create space to talk about languishing, name what’s difficult, and remove the stigma and shame, you open the door for others to do the same. My sincere hope is that by naming the languishing, you can unlock your next step toward surviving and eventually flourishing in your work, life, and calling to make a positive impact in this world.

Be well,

Matt

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Matt Visser serves as a Senior Design Partner with Design Group International. Matt’s greatest joy is empowering you as an adaptive leader to tackle your most difficult problems and help you build flourishing leadership, teams, and organizational ecosystems. Matt has invested over 20 years in growing nonprofit organizations focused on leadership development, community engagement, fundraising, and innovation. 

About Design Group International
Design Group International is a group of consultants who have chosen to be part of a community that is committed to the craft of Process Consulting. Process Consulting is our shared foundation, approach, and framework. Our values of listening, helping, and learning help us fulfill our mission to help leaders and their organizations transform for a vibrant future.