Listening: Distractions and Actions

Ted Talks…I wonder if Ted ever listens.

Last year a colleague of mine shared with me this cartoon. I love Ted Talks, but the truth in the caption made me laugh because of its candid truth.

It can be very hard to listen to another person these days. There are many distractions that keep us from actively listening to someone, let alone listening to them fully, what we call comprehensively. 

Here is a short list of distractions that keep of us from listening and what we can do about it. What distractions would you add to this list? What behaviors have you found helpful in listening to someone needing your attention?

In order to actively listen to someone and comprehend what they are seeking to communicate, we need to be in a very different posture than we often find ourselves in. We use the word posture here to describe our position in a listening relationship. Yes, there is a position in a listening relationship and it is characterized by being:

• Authentic – we are bringing our full selves into this conversation

• Empathetic – we are seeking to keenly understand what they are saying and the meaning of the words they are using

• Non-anxious presence – we are at peace, present in this moment and in this conversation, our minds are here and nowhere else

• Engaged – our bodies are fully and actively engaged, our ears, hearts, eyes, hands, feet, mouth, and brain are each tuned into what the other is saying so that we have full-body listening

• Curiosity – we are seeking to understand what they are meaning with the words they are using...not our definition and meaning of the words they are using.

Wow, that is a lot. 

When I was in school, I never had a class in listening. Not in elementary school, middle school, high school, college, even graduate school. So, how can you become a better listener? These five postures are a helpful place to start, practice them with your significant other, a child, a parent, or a friend. 

In doing so, you might find that your mind is quieter, your pulse slower, your heart is fuller, and your breathing deeper. In addition, you might find that you move closer in your relationship with them, you understand their perspective even better than before, you see them more clearly and individually, and you care more deeply about what happens next. 

When we listen in this way and reflect back to them what we are hearing, something extraordinary might happen.

They turn to you and say, ‘I couldn’t have said it any better myself!”

When that happens, you’ve listened actively and comprehensively. Well done!

If you would like to learn more about these and other skills of listening, please feel free to call me at 616.516.9870 or e-mail me at lons@designgroupintl.com. You can also use this link to schedule a 30-minute Zoom call. I’d be honored to help you learn more about listening. 

Mind how you go, 

Lon L. Swartzentruber
Design Group International
CEO, Managing Partner

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